Exceptionalism

Most of us are pretty ordinary people, destined to live ordinary lives. We strive to do well, to provide for our families, to improve our minds, nourish our bodies and our spirits. But basically, we are ordinary. And that should be OK. If we can look back at a life well-lived, we should be proud. And yet...

In The Road to Character, David Brooks talks about a culture shift from self-effacement -- "Nobody's better than me, but I'm no better than anyone else" -- to a culture of self-promotion -- "Recognize my accomplishments, I'm pretty special." He cites Gallup surveys in 1950 and 2005 that asked high school seniors if they considered themselves important. In 1950, 12% said yes. In 2005, 80% said yes. This seems like self-esteem run amok. We can't all be important and exceptional. Some of us (actually most of us) just need to be regular folk doing our best. In Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain notes a similar shift from a culture of character to a culture of personality.

As individuals, we yearn to be important, exceptional, even famous. We want more "likes" and more "followers." We want to see our name and face in lights. And as a country, many of us tout American exceptionalism, forgetting that exceptional means different, not necessarily better. According to Wikipedia, Alexis de Tocqueville was probably the first to couple American and exceptionalism in print. It was only partially a compliment:

"The position of the Americans is therefore quite exceptional, and it may be believed that no democratic people will ever be placed in a similar one. Their strictly Puritanical origin, their exclusively commercial habits, even the country they inhabit, which seems to divert their minds from the pursuit of science, literature, and the arts, the proximity of Europe, which allows them to neglect these pursuits without relapsing into barbarism, a thousand special causes, of which I have only been able to point out the most important, have singularly concurred to fix the mind of the American upon purely practical objects. His passions, his wants, his education, and everything about him seem to unite in drawing the native of the United States earthward; his religion alone bids him turn, from time to time, a transient and distracted glance to heaven. Let us cease, then, to view all democratic nations under the example of the American people."

 

Those words by a somewhat snobbish European were penned in 1835. In the intervening years, America has emerged from isolationism at important moments and really stepped up to make a difference in the course of history. And despite a still strong bent of anti-intellectualism, we have produced many brilliant minds and ground-breaking ideas. But so have other nations around the world. And that's what so few Americans seem to understand. We are exceptional -- meaning different -- in many ways, but exceptional does not equate to better. 

No one can be the best at everything, and we certainly aren't. We need to teach our children to be realistic about their strengths and weaknesses and to strive to live a good life, not necessarily a famous life. And we need to teach ourselves as a nation to recognize that we are not the best at everything, any more than our children are. A good parent helps their children be both proud and realistic. A good citizen should do the same.