Sweating the Small Stuff

One of my mantras of life has always been "don't sweat the small stuff." It might be a bit of rationalization and self-justification, because I'm much more of a concepts person than a details person. So I often tell myself that the details aren't worth losing sleep over. And mostly this works, plus it's a good counter-balance to my Type A, always planning, side.

"Don't sweat the small stuff" was also a refrain of our parenting style. And an important corollary was "pick your battles." I really believe that children from a very young age do far better with guidelines than lots of specific rules. And they are more likely to adhere to a few key rules ("don't run in the street," "don't ever get in the car with a driver who has been drinking") because those rules stand out as crucially important.

But I have always suspected that the hidden secret of this parenting style is laziness. It's often easier to do a chore yourself than to make your children do it. It's quicker to just give kids money when they need it than to figure out the equitable way to dispense allowance to kids of diverse ages. And who really knows or cares if the beds are made every morning?

Nevertheless, for our particular children, our parenting style produced spectacular results. Through some combination of luck (lots of luck) and skill, we raised three very responsible, respectful, financially stable, wise, and compassionate adults. They don't necessarily make their beds every day, but none of them are slovenly, nor do they run in the street or drink and drive. 

So why, at this stage of my life, am I so enamored with Rubin's podcast Happier and with Gretchen Rubin's writing in general? Rubin is by no means a shallow person, and yet her focus in much of her writing and her podcast is definitely about the small stuff. And I lap it up. I've come to believe that you can be happier and you can make your life better by focusing on your daily habits. The small stuff can make a difference.

I'm still a believer in my mantra-- don't sweat the small stuff -- when it comes to the big stories of life. But I've reached a stage of life when I've checked off the big boxes and now the question becomes how to compose a further life (an interesting book by Mary Catherine Bateson, daughter of Margaret Mead). And if I don't plan to join the peace corps or some similar noble commitment at this late stage, then doing what I can to make each day better increases in importance. Occasionally, their tips make me feel a little bit like I'm reading Better Home and Gardens or Good Housekeeping (perish the thought!). But usually their ideas are a bit more cerebral and personal... and it makes me happy to participate with them in thinking about the small stuff.